Image used under a Creative Commons License from flickr user my name is dan
The only time that I actually sit down to watch full-length basketball games is during the finals, because they are especially rewarding games to watch and only involve a few days of my life, as opposed to a whole season. I just don’t believe in being that committed to teams that will eventually let me down, so I wait till the finals, and choose the team that has the best/most compelling players. Or (because I am a soulless human being) I root for the Lakers.
Given that I am a rather dispassionate fan of the game, my thoughts often wander to non-basketball related things. Like:
- Pau Gasol is incredibly hairy, and has got a ’60s counter-cultural kid look going on. Moreover, even though he’s 7 feet and 250 pounds, he always seems really willowy and delicate to me . Which is a good thing.
- Derek Fisher embodies grace. He’s just such a great team player, and seems to have a well-deserved reputation for being an exceptional human being. And he’s earned brownie points for life with my mom for wearing a WWJD bracelet.
- Lamar Odom is super cute! But also married! To Khloe Kardashian!
- Kobe Bryant is also super cute! Plus he’s an exceptional player whose love for the game makes it so fun to watch. And he apparently speaks Italian fluently! But then he also likely sexually assaulted someone, which puts him in Ron Artest territory.
- Sasha Vujacic has got the whole collegiate angst look down-pat. If pro-ball doesn’t work out, I can guarantee that he will have his pick of RA positions across America.
- Rajon Rondo is so adorable and elfin I just want to put him in my pocket.
- Kevin Garnett reminds me of a villainous wizard in a children’s movie.
- Ray Allen’s default facial expression is a sneer, which I kind of love. Also–Jesus Shuttlesworth has gotten so much older y’all!
- Phil Jackson looks weird without his beard.
- And finally, I love that the old people are officially dominating this year’s finals.
There you go! No need to thank me for saving you an hour of SportsCenter!
So They Called Her Mouth a Motor 
I think I would be inclined to watch more sports events if the commentators listened to you.